Dear Pain In The Butt
I still find it difficult to live with you! You are an absolute pain in the butt!
I am just starting to come to terms with the fact that you are here to stay and I can’t get rid of you. I have to learn to like/live/adapt or at least tolerate you so I can get on with my life
That doesn’t stop me from grieving for what I have lost… My freedom to walk cross country and feel free without restrictions to enjoy the seasons. The sight and the smell of the wild flowers and the touch of nature all around,. The beautiful landscapes and the never ending colours sights and experiences.
I am angry with you for being invisible and causing exhaustion from the constant battle of having to explain myself. For having to handle their pre-judgements and their assumptions; sometimes not said but implied and other times said out loud. It’s so hurtful when they put labels on you – lazy, fat, hypochondriac. Some labels you put on yourself, as you yourself are fed up of having a condition for so long… Without a resolution!
This is what I find so difficult as I was always a problem solver, and with patience, endurance and hard work I would always be able to find a solution… However long it took!
But now after all these years I am exhausted with it all and feel like I have explored every avenue. I am at a point that I have to accept you are here to stay. So I say to you: I accept you and I will adapt with you and I will make the best of what we are together and learn to LET GO of what I cannot change.